Sometimes

The last couple of days have been a challenge for me because I haven't had a husband. Richard has had parent teacher conferences after school til 7-ish and then Elders Quorum business when he got home (have I mentioned that Richard was recently called as E.Q. President of our newly formed 26th ward?). New baby, new ward, and new calling, all within the first week of January, makes for a stressful transition into 2012, but we've been making it work. Last night, however, I had just about had it. Olivia had had a rough day. Her naps were sporadic, she was fussy, and she refused to sleep, even though she was beyond exhausted. She would calm down and I'd think she was just about asleep and then she'd start screaming again. This isn't like her at all. I had tried everything I could think of for about three hours and nothing seemed to work. So when Richard got home and had to turn around and leave again for a training meeting at the church, I felt abandoned. I was exhausted and frustrated, and every negative emotion seemed to surface for the next couple of hours. I tried not to be angry with him because I knew he needed to fulfill his calling. I was mainly disappointed in myself and feeling pretty inadequate as a mother. When Richard got home I was in the same position he had left me (rocking and trying to soothe Olivia) and she was finally nodding off. I put her in her crib and Richard, seeing that I was completely drained, just held me. I couldn't hold it in any longer and I just crumbled in his arms and cried. He let me cry it out and didn't say anything. It's amazing how I can be coming entirely unglued and as soon as he wraps his arms around me, all seems right with the world again. I planned on going to bed early but what I really needed was some time with Richard. As disastrous as the day had seemed in the moment, it was nothing that a little ice cream, Netflix and cuddling with Richard couldn't fix. And all was right with the world again.